Perfect Vision

Last night I led a kirtan at my friend Karen Kuzminsky's house in Middletown, RI.  What a wonderful evening!  I have to say before I go any further how grateful I am to Jai Uttal for all the wonderful kirtans and workshops of his that I have attended in the last 8 or so years- but especially for the weeklong summer kirtan camp that I was at two years ago in California.  What a blessing. The greatest gift that I got from it was COURAGE- knowing that it didn't matter if I didn't have a fabulous voice, if I wasn't a virtuoso on some instrument or another- if I could just lead a simple chant and sing from my heart, that was good enough.

As it turned out I was sort of put to the test.  I brought my instruments- guitar, harmonium and tamboura- and was just about ready to go when I realized I had forgotten my music! Since I am a beginner on the harmonium I wasn't too thrilled about that.  But I figured that I knew enough chants on the guitar and at least one chant that I could do with the harmonium that it was probably okay- and it was. We had about 20 people and a few kids which really added so much.  Karen's 6 year old son  was so fascinated by the harmonium he practically had his head in it!

But the best part was connecting with a number of people I hadn't seen in 20 years or more.  I knew that the daughter of an old friend of mine was planning to come who was best friends with my oldest son when they were very little.  Now she's a beautiful woman in her late 30's with a daughter of her own. Her mother used to live next door to my ex-husband and me and little Amy would come to the window every morning and call for Sparky.  They lived on the third floor and we were on the second of the house next door.  I have such a strong memory of her precious voice and seeing her face in the window of their 3rd floor apartment looking down to see if Sparky was out on our porch so they could play together.

She hadn't arrived yet when I began. I sang a couple of opening prayers in Sanskrit and was deep into the first chant when I looked up and there was beautiful Amy smiling at me!  I felt such a welling up of emotion that I was quite overcome and tears began to come- I suspect people thought it was because I was so moved by the chant but really I was just so knocked out to see Amy there smiling at me! I actually thought about stopping right then and getting up and giving her a hug but instead I closed my eyes and went really deep and was able to drop into a place beyond that level of emotion to carry on with the music and just let it flow. We saved our hugs and shared our tears after the kirtan and that was such an incredible blessing.  I don't even know yet what it means, what it was for or what it is leading to.  I just know it was, and is, profound.

The grace of the kirtan was that it allowed me to go deeper and deeper- and maybe also that emotion was a catalyst that really somehow carried the kirtan to another level as well. Who knows? It was what it was. The next one will be different.

Every moment is an expression of perfection- every note, every breath. If it isn't perfect, it is our vision that needs correction- not what we're seeing or experiencing, but how we're seeing and experiencing.

Thank you Jai!!!