Remembering Love

Well, I decided to get right to it today! I woke up thinking ten thousand things, played with my theta tuning forks and got quiet inside and now thoughts about sound and frequency have risen to the surface. I got home from Holland just over a week ago. Felt very excited and inspired and soon notice how my energy and creativity begin to wane after just a few days. Florida is not a good environment for me physically, mentally or emotionally. It is good for practice because I am challenged on a daily basis by being far removed from my comfort zone. The only real comforts I have here are Henry and the sound healing center, and the center has played itself out in my life and I am pulling away.

Interesting with all that is going on internally that regardless the theta tuning brought my awareness to a very quiet space within me and as I write I find myself stopping and closing my eyes every few minutes and breathing into that space. That feels like my real comfort zone, the ride on the breath and the awareness of the quiet open space between each inhale and exhale, between the exhale and the inhale...

When I was in Holland I went to a workshop with Shyamji in Schoorl. The picture above is the sand dune that leads down into the village behind the spiritual center where the workshop was held. Schoorl is famous for having the highest and widest dunes in the Netherlands. It was a beautiful location for the workshop.

It was a lovely and powerful workshop with Shyamji (pictured below). Some of my awareness of the shifts that occurred for me did not come until after I got home and I looked at the pattern of openings within me and saw how they were directly connected with the goal Shyamji set forthe workshop, which was to reconnect with the memory of being at one with the mother (and the Mother) before any blockages occurred in the microchakras.

It was interesting because everyone else at the workshop was from either Holland or Belgium except one woman originally from England but she had lived in Holland for over 30 years so obviously was completely fluent in the language. I tend to be shy in groups of people that I don't know anyone and in this case I engaged with the others even less because they were all speaking Dutch- which was maybe good because I was that much more internal during what felt more like a retreat than a "workshop".

Some of the workshops I have taken with Shyamji before have been quite intense for me even in the quiet because we have been doing physical cleansing or purifications during the process so there is a lot of releasing and purging on all levels. This one was very gentle and felt so suited to where I was at the time- and also to the environment. It was a lovely simple retreat center in the woods on the edge of the dunes. Walking up the narrow brick road behind the center leads to an

overlook from one of the highest points in the Netherlands from where you can see an expanse of woods, dunes and the ocean way off in the distance. The air was cool and damp- early spring.

The sounds Shyamji produced during the opening concert and over the next two days were so lovely. His energy is so sweet and gentle, his voice so pure. He speaks without sacrificing honesty and also a great deal of humor. He explained how there are blockages which occur during the third trimester in the womb and more which occur during the birth experience, particularly the way it has been hijacked by the medical profession in the west. These blockages occur in the microchakras of the right channel and they cannot be unblocked but with the right sounds, with proper guidance by a good teacher we can revisit that place before the blockages occurred when we were completely merged at at one with our mother.

What happened for me was on the second day of the retreat I was sitting in a restaurant having breakfast by myself and suddenly, out of the blue- unexpected and unbidden, triggered by a piece of music that came on- the awareness, the remembrance came up of being completely totally and deeply in love. It was my first experience of being really deeply in love with a man and it was now 25 years ago. I didn't make the connection to the sounds Shyamji had been singing during his concert the night before- not until several weeks later when I was relating the experience to a dear friend and I realized that really this is the experience he was talking about. It doesn't matter where or when we experienced it- that first connection within the mother is the anchor to that experience even if it's not in our conscious memory. The point wasn't so much the who of the relationship (or the loss thereof) but of awareness of the experience of deep surrender and merging with another being to where the energy flow is like two rivers coming together as one. What an extraordinarily beautiful gift- coupled with the knowing that that possibility of experiencing deep love and surrender is still and always available to us.