Doubt, Guilt and the Benefit of Confidence (inspired by Seth Godin)

I was going through some old emails and I came across a very thought-provoking blog post by Seth Godin, dated June 28, which I had saved but not yet read, and it inspired me to write.

The benefit of the doubt

Doubt is corrosive.

Someone faced with doubt rarely brings her best self to the table. Doubt undermines confidence, it casts aspersions, it assumes untruths.

Yes, of course you need to qualify your leads. And yes, we know that you need to protect against risk and to not waste your time.

But... if you're going to spend five minutes or five hours with someone, what happens if you begin with, "the benefit of confidence" instead? What if you begin by believing, by seeking to understand, by rooting for the other person to share their best stories, their vision and their hopes?

Perhaps you can manipulate someone by scowling, by negging, by putting on airs. But if you do that, you end up with people who have been manipulated, who are wounded and not ready to soar.

The problem with qualifying leads is that all the obvious ones are already taken.

The challenge with assuming that someone is completely imperfect is that you'll almost certainly be right. 

There's plenty of room for doubt later, isn't there?

I love this. "The benefit of confidence." Of course... we see what we want to see- or, we see what we believe. It may not be what we think we want to see and of course we are constantly projecting. We see others ultimately as we see ourselves or the parts of ourselves we choose to deny and disown. I'd much rather see that needy aspect in someone else than to own it! But, what if that neediness is just a mistaken belief about myself? And what if I let go of the all the doubts I have about myself and about all the supposed "ugliness" that I am constantly trying to hide? What if I made it all up? Can I change my mind and reveal my hidden (and deeply rooted) beliefs about myself?  Can I make a deliberate choice on how I see another rather than simply casting out the old projections and assumptions? When I approach another with the "benefit of the doubt", how am I approaching myself? Can I approach myself with the "benefit of confidence"?

This is a powerful possibility for healing our minds on a very deep level.

A few days ago something came across the internet while I was online- a website where you can find out all kinds of personal information about pretty much anyone. The suggestion by a few people who had done it was to put in your own name so you can see how much information is really out there about you. So I did. It took quite a while. It kept running through more and more information searching for different addresses, criminal records, financial records, etc., etc. I watched my level of anxiety rise. What would they find out about me? What awful things have I done or gotten in trouble for that I have forgotten about? What things am I being accused of that I didn't do? What terrible things are people that I don't even know thinking, believing about me?

It ran through the whole program- which took quite a while- and when it got to the end I was informed that I could now access the file for the mere sum of $27.95. Should I go for it, after hanging out for an hour waiting for it to finish doing its thing and unearthing every scrap of dirt about me? Yes, because there is bound to be something awful in there and I need to know what it is. Yes, Paypal. Boom.

There was nothing there. A few old addresses where I had lived over the past 30 years (and one where I hadn't lived- the address of my mother's lawyer). My educational background- not much information there!

What I did discover was my own deeply rooted belief that I must be guilty even if I don't know/remember what terrible sins I have committed. So, this turned out to be an incredibly powerful and revealing process for me. I saw a depth of fear and belief in my own guilt that I was not consciously aware of up to that point.

A Course in Miracles tells us, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of God meet they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone without giving salvation to him and receiving it yourself. For I am always there with you, in remembrance of you.”

Over the past twenty plus years as a sound healing practitioner, I have played this song many hundreds of times for people who were moving through their own personal doubts and challenges. I guess I need to listen to it again myself... deeply. 

                                

What A Life!

The documentary "The Music of Strangers: Yo-Yo Ma and the Silk Road Ensemble" is without a doubt one of the most brilliant, poignant, joyful stories of the power of the human spirit, of the ties that bind us as global citizens and of the power of music to heal and to bring people together. I was knocked out by it and cannot wait to see it again. It is one of those movies that I know I will watch over and over again.

I can't really say anything else about that. It is beyond words.

Life has been busy and full as it tends to be these days! I actually stopped this afternoon and watched the second Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon movie with my son, Nic and my grandson Jonah, which was totally fun and engrossing. Other than that my life just seems to be full of sound, music and healing- both myself and others! Myself, on the level of letting of some old stuff- habitual patterns from the past that no longer serve me and others through sound journeys and private sessions. Things seem to just keep getting busier.

The day before yesterday I did a private sound journey for a dear friend who is dealing with Stage 4 cancer and a lot of physical pain associated with it. A mutual friend asked me if I would be willing to do a Sound Journey for a small group of people, including our friend in need of healing and support. The sound journey is so restorative and I was very grateful for the opportunity.

Here is a photo of the set up. I didn't bring a lot of instruments but I just got a new 14" very high quality Himalayan bowl (for sale- I'm just playing it til someone buys it!) and I brought my 30" gong and some other choice instruments- so I brought out all the big guns. The intention is everything and this was for healing in the highest so it was a very powerful sound journey.

The other big event recently was the workshop that my friend D. Crowfeather and I did together. He came up from Florida and did a day of sessions for a number of people which were very powerful and I think perhaps life-changing for some. The next day we co-facilitated a workshop together which was very much about consciousness and spiritual intention. It was pretty beautiful and definitely very powerful. My part was really to provide sacred sound so that the participants would be in a totally open place to receive the teaching that Crowfeather was sharing. It was all very good work. The evening after the workshop we had a fire ceremony in the backyard with fireflies dancing all around. Beautiful and transcendant...

Through the course of the weekend I also saw places where I need to manage my energy better if I am going to have people moving through my house. There were times that it got very intense for me, essentially holding space and having to be "on" at times when it felt a bit beyond my capacity!  It was really different than when I had my sound healing center because there I could go home at the end of the day or leave a key for people to use the space for sessions and not have to be present myself, so that was definitely a big lesson for me.

One of the most striking things for me about the weekend was the sense that my space was being used for that which it is intended for and the reason that I chose this place to live. I chose it (or it chose me!) because I could teach workshops and have groups here. I have dreamed of having a sound journey on the deck since I first moved in and I finally got to do that. That in itself was so sweet and beautiful. We have used the fire pit in the backyard a few times before but we had not had a ceremony there and I feel that the space was so blessed from that, so I am super grateful for all of that. The energy has always been good here but I feel like there were a lot of shifts from the weekend.

And tomorrow night I get to do a sound journey at the Integrative Care Program for Women's Oncology in South County which is always such a wonderful gift.

Oh yeah- AND tonight I bought tickets to go see The Zombies and The Rascals in Scottsdale, AZ on September 11. Woohoo! What a gas- going with my sister Miranda who bought me my very first album- The Young Rascals when I was in 6th grade. Can't wait!

 And the beat goes on! Blessed be. What a life...

Revealing the Sacred In All Things

Opening Sound Journey for workshop at Wholistic Sound, Saturday, June 25, 2016.

Sitting in my house, my beautiful log house, listening to birdsong on a perfect day. I was blessed with a surprise day off today when all the power went off in South County Commons where I usually do massage on Thursday. Perfect, as the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of intensity.

A weekend of sessions and workshop with my friend and spiritual healer D. Crowfeather had been planned for a while for last weekend, which I knew was going to be very powerful- and it was. More on that in the next installment! Leading up to that, just two days prior to the weekend before, I heard that an Ecuadorian shaman, Don Alberto Taxo, was going to be teaching a workshop in Jamestown. I knew nothing about him or the people who were hosting him but I was very drawn to it and immediately registered for the workshop.

What a gift. I am so grateful that I listened to the voice that pushed me forward, rather than the one that sometimes holds me back- that I listened to the voice for Spirit and Truth and Beauty which knew this would be the perfect preparation for the weekend to follow.

The workshop was about our relationship to Pacha Mama and our connection to the four elements. It was very powerful for me. I experienced and deepened my relationship to the four elements in profound ways. I learned from the air that I could let go of my past with every breath- not just distant past, old memories, old wounds and traumas but now, in every moment. That I can breathe in now and let it go and breathe in the next new moment, that I can make love to the air with each breath.

I felt the alchemy of the four elements merging within me and creating something more powerful and more magical in every moment. I felt the stardust within my cells. I felt the channels of fluid that run through my body, flowing, pulsing, nurturing, supporting and sustaining me.

Four Directions Mandala from materials found on beach. Rosie Warburton 2013

This experience deepened my understanding of who I am on this earthly plane in ways that are still being revealed to me.

Before the workshop I had been thinking about the Sacred- how we bring the element of divinity to those things (people, places) which we honor. In unseen ways it may already be there, in that All Is Truly Divine, but as we navigate the earthly plane we often miss it. So we need a dedicated and powerful intention to bring it forth- really it is for our recognition of That Which Already Is, we infuse with our sacred intention and bring that energy forth. A crystal bowl, when played, does not automatically produce "sacred sound". It is dependent upon the energy and the intention of the player.

When I got to the workshop, one of the first things Don Alberto talked about was how we have an intimate connection to the elements but we must make a practice of exercising this connection through deepening our awareness of the sacred in all things. Right away I knew I was in the right place.

I also saw by the end of the weekend how it was preparing me for the weekend to come.

That's all for today.

Until next time, blessed be.

Fathers, Sons and Cat Stevens

Honestly, I am forcing myself to write this tonight. I find myself so quickly exhausted when I get on the computer. I feel strong physiological effects from it and almost feel as though I am becoming allergic to it. It's too bad... Or not. It just is, I guess.

It is dusk. Father's Day. My father is far away now. He has been gone for 33 years. I was 28 when he died. He was 61, the same age I am now. I thought he was old. Now I think, "My god- he was so young!"

This evening I celebrated Father's Day with my youngest son, Nic and his 14 year old son, Jonah. Nic's dad died when Nic was 21- his dad, my ex, was 53 when he died. Nic's birthday is February 5, the same as my father's. They celebrated Nic's first birthday and his grandad's 60th birthday together. Patterns that run through families... births, deaths, histories that repeat themselves... so interesting. Emotional wave patterns that we become entrained to? Familiarity is attractive and compelling and often sneaks up on us while we are paying attention to other things. Some of that is good and some is problematic at best and very difficult to disentangle ourselves from. It sometimes seems to be deeply ingrained in our DNA and can take a tremendous amount of courage, hard work and intention to heal.

Oh, and I just remembered that I got married on this day in 1975. For whatever that's worth.

And tomorrow is the solstice and a full moon- the first time they have coincided in 70 years.

And I just spent a weekend with a beautiful Ecuadorian shaman, Don Alberto Taxo- but that is a story for another time.

My, My, They Sigh

I am feeling very excited today... inspired...

It is the beginning of summer and energy is busting wide open in and around me in all its myriad and magical forms... plants, flowers, birds, animals, guests, friends, family, physical energy, delicious foods, teaching, learning, cooking, playing outside, singing, dancing, playing music, living and loving and loving some more. My first Airbnb guests of the season came in yesterday- a wonderful couple who met each other in China 5 years ago. One is from the states, his partner from China and it is his first time in the states. They arrived in the USA five days ago. Life is good. I know I've said that before and I know I'm not the only one. There's a reason- because it is, at least in my world!

I have just been out working and playing in my garden. My mother was the Queen of the Garden. She did not force beauty- she gently and lovingly coaxed it to come forth and express itself. Below is a picture of her in her beautiful yard on a sunny summer day. My garden is just a square plot fenced in with chicken wire, mulched with lots of straw. Peas and garlic are going strong and I just planted carrots, golden beets and dill.

Gardening is not my second language, although I think it was probably my mother's first language! So I plod through my little plot and call on her frequently. I know she can hear me and, although I don't hear her voice, I trust she is guiding my hand and my footsteps when I am out there.

 

And here is a sweet sunny magical video of Donovan singing his beautiful "Sunny Goodge Street". Enjoy the sweetness.

First Weekend-Long Sound Healing Retreat/Workshop at Wholistic Sound

Awesome sound healing workshop/retreat this past weekend- a 2 1/2 day event which included two people staying at the house, preparing meals, and a kirtan on Saturday night. A very full weekend with a really lovely fun and eager group of five women besides me. Six of us altogether- a perfect number for the first weekend workshop here at the home of Wholistic Sound.

Restorative Sound, Tinnitus, and Mother's Day (not neccessarily in that order)

First things first: To all the moms in the universe, past, present and to come,
Thank you for your love, care, courage, nurturing and sustenance. I am grateful to be here in this moment breathing this now-breath.

And to my own precious mother, I adore you. I love you, I thank you, I respect you. I am grateful to feel your strong presence in my life even though you are no longer in your physical body. You remind me that only the love is real. Thank you.

My blog has been calling me for days. You know what they say, "All are called but few choose to listen." Okay, I'm listening! 

I feel like I physically hit a wall a few days ago and have been achy and exhausted for close to a week now. A lot of massages, and sound journeys which entails transporting some fairly heavy instruments. In between those two things I have been trying to get some gardening done and somewhere along the way I got kind of knocked down. I feel like that's unusual for me. My pecs, rhomboids and neck have all been very uncomfortable. My cure? Long baths, a massage two days ago- which helped greatly- and listening to sound journeys.

I am feeling like changing the name to Restorative Sound Journeys rather than Healing Sound Journeys for two reasons. One because I am finding that they are exactly that- incredibly restorative- and two, because there are too many implications inherent in the word "healing".  I define "healing" as being at peace with what is, rather than "curing" but not everyone might agree with me on that. For example, if someone has tinnitus I have found that through sound healing sessions and a certain amount of guidance, that the person's perceived ringing in their ears may not go away, but they may learn to relax into that experience, meditate on the sound and let go of their resistance to it. Through that, they can completely shift their perception of their experience of it so that it is no longer perceived as a "problem". Also, when they shift their focus and allow themselves to follow the sound they often find that over time the sound seems to be quieter or not as constant and when it does occur it is simply a reminder to go inside.

I had a lovely Mother's Day today. My son Nic and my grandson Jonah came over with a dozen pink roses and cooked a delicious lunch of grilled teriyaki salmon for me, I worked in the garden and then came in and had mango-strawberry shortcake and a glass of Prosecco.

Life is good. It really is. I love my life. I am very grateful.