I Can't Live Without My Mother's Love

My son Namdev sent me this song. He sent it on Friday. Friday night I was visited by my mother during my dreamtime. (See last blog post.) http://youtu.be/IWwAUAWN5lQ

Dreaming Goodbye

Last night my mother came to me in a dream and said goodbye to me. I didn't realize the significance of it right away. The beginning of our journey towards her departure really began just over two years ago when I was here in the Catskills at this same exact place for a workshop with John and Silvia. My mother had been recently diagnosed with congestive heart failure but was on diuretics and was relatively stable. That weekend was the last time I left her for any period of time before she died. She declined over the next 6 months and passed in September of 2013.

I had the great good fortune of being able to be with her most of 2012 and 2013 up until she passed with the exception of a few days here and there. After she passed I felt a tremendous amount of peace around it. I had spent so much time with her and afterward felt so much that she was with me. I did not feel her absence- rather, I felt an overwhelming presence. I have had brief moments of missing her but they have been insignificant compared to the overall sense of her being with me so much of the time.

Last night I saw her in a fur coat (dark brown actually, not the the one in this picture). She looked middle-aged, not old, and beautiful- glamorous but very down to earth. Behind here were woods, a forest or a jungle- reminiscent of the feeling of the background in "The African Queen". She was going on a cruise ship. She was some distance from me, maybe 20 feet or so- close enough to talk, but not to touch... She stood at a distance and I realized with some surprise that she was leaving. She seemed very clear, steadfast, and peaceful. The sense was that she was going away and was not coming back and she was totally okay with that. I was surprised but okay too- I didn't feel like I needed to approach her, give her a hug. I was just accepting that this was what was happening.

It didn't hit me until I went into our dream group this morning and suddenly I realized that she had come to say goodbye to me. It was such a surprise. I didn't really expect her to leave- I thought I would continue to feel her presence. I do feel on one level that she is still with me, but not nearly so close as she has been. There is a distinct awareness that she is now further away, on her own journey. I have wondered many times if at some point that would occur and actually been curious that I could feel so okay and at peace with her passing. Up until now I have really had no real sense of loss.

I am fascinated that this process began for me in this same place when I was here two years ago and has come to a sense of completion, the closing of a door and a real sense of grieving. I think she must have known that this is a safe place for me where I have a huge sense of support. There were several people here this time that were here that first weekend and a couple of people who were also in the Bahamas when I went to a workshop there just a few months after she died. They knew what was happening at the time and in fact just yesterday I was talking to a woman who had been here that first weekend. The first thing she did when she saw me yesterday was ask how things went after I left here that weekend and we had a long talk about it.

I cried a lot today, more than I have in the past year and a half since she died. Still, tonight I feel happy and at peace even though I am sure that there are more tears to come.

Sweet Dreams

Last night's dream concert led to a night of deep sleep and rich dreams. Our experienced has been enhanced by drinking raw cacao with various other herbs added to it- the most intoxicating to me is the touch of rose which is completely intoxicating.

John Beaulieu~ "The dreamtime concert is an environment for incubating dreams".  Looking forward to sleeping tonight.

Silvia Nakkach~ "Music has oceanic possibilities".  She says she is the Minister of Transportation. Indeed. Her music transports us to wondrous places!

Are You Awake?

I love my dreams. In fact, I love my dream life as much as I love my "waking" life (which I believe is just a another level of dreaming where we actually think we are awake). So I relate to all 24 hours really as a dream.

Starting this evening and for the next 3 days I am taking an amazing workshop with John Bealieu and Silvia Nakkach on Sound and Dreams. If tonight's introduction is any indication, it promises to be off the charts. According to John, science is now saying that certain levels of sleep, dreaming and wakefulness are all going on simultaneously. For example, we can be awake and daydreaming or asleep and lucid dreaming which is actually an experience of being conscious in the dream state. This is an interesting article that seems to relate to these ideas.
Conscious Experience in Sleep and Wakefulness

Two of things John said we would be gaining of an understanding of are 1) Becoming more aware of when our consciousness is shifting from one state to another, presumably so that we can make more conscious choices about our state of awareness and 2) Learning about dream analysis.

Tonight we had our "orientation".  After the initial talk about logistics for the weekend, there were a lot of massage tables and yoga mats set up. We all lay on them and received incredible sound and bodywork. The musicians and sound healers are all very high level practitioners and it was really an extraordinary shamanic experience. I came out of it pretty disoriented! I am looking forward to going to sleep tonight and seeing what happens in my dreamtime.

Me n' Mercury

Wow! Crazy two days! Today was the RI Cancer Summit in Warwick, RI and tomorrow I leave for the Catskills for a four-day workshop on Sound and Dreams with two of my favorite teachers, John Beaulieu and Silvia Nakkach.

The day before yesterday I was reading an article on Mercury retrograde because I was actually wondering as we get further into it if the bizarre effects of it are cumulative! This is the article I was reading which I found pretty fascinating. Click on the title to get to the link.
~Mercury Retrograde and What it Means for You~

Honestly I don't even remember what was happening that made me curious- that was two long days ago! Yesterday things were pretty smooth until I got home and my car suddenly smelled weird and smoky and when I checked under the hood there was no oil whatsoever on the dipstick. I talked to my "car guy" and was going to drive a mile up the road to the gas station and get some oil but as soon as I got out the driveway I thought "Nope"- bad sound and bad smell- so a friend came over and put 3 quarts in it. Meanwhile I was freaked out because I had to get up to Warwick today and drive to the Catskills tomorrow.

I don't need to go into all the details but, over the course of the evening, after I had been telling my son Nic earlier in the day about the whole Mercury retrograde thing, he calls to tell me how he had picked up a really cool antique barometer/thermometer that he thought he could sell and suddenly realized it was leaking mercury all over his floor and had to clean up the spill (a relatively small amount), throw out his clothes, fumigate the house, etc. Not so cool.

Next event... today my dear son saves the day by picking me up and bringing me to Warwick to the Cancer Summit, since I suddenly had no way to get there. I got there and somehow there had been a lapse in communication (Mercury again? Rules communication...) They didn't have me on the roster, no table for me (although they let me set up at an empty one) and apparently (though it turned out not be true) no information on sound healing other than what I had brought myself. Ugh- I was so embarrassed- not to mention that they said that exhibitors were supposed to be set up by 7 a.m. and it was now after 10! I had never received any information from Women & Infants and knew nothing other than being told that it didn't really matter when I got there.

So everyone else had these nice fancy tables set up with banners and loads of information and there I was with my instruments and no space to do demos (and an unsolved problem about what was up with my car and how I was going to get up to the Catskills tomorrow) feeling very out of place.

In the end it all worked out. The other people from the Integrative Care Program had some extra information that I was able to put on my table and we found under some other flyers that in fact they had provided for me about my sound healing services. Turned out I had a great day, connected with some wonderful people and the woman who heads up the event for Women & Infants said that next year she would like me to do a breakout session. So that was very exciting.

After that whole thing Nic brought me back home and we got my car over to Pat, my car guy. He determined that the issue is a pulley for the water pump and a pretty easy fix. He can have it done first thing in the morning so I should be good to go! (Hopefully there are no other surprises under the hood.)

Mercury goes direct tomorrow and life is good!

Eeny Meeny...

Picking out the perfect selection of instruments to bring to the Rhode Island Cancer Summit tomorrow. (Right now I am hearing Mike Oldfield's voice saying "Plus- tubular bells!")

Joy and Radiance

Still singing the kirtan I learned yesterday every second I am alone today. In between those times I had a really lovely visit from two Baha'is, Philip and Anne Cantor, whom I met a few months ago. We had a great connection and are forming a wonderful friendship. They live about an hour and a half away and have become very interested in my work so they took the time to come visit today. I gave them each a sound healing demo- Philip in the Somatron recliner and Anne on the Soundweaver. Anne got some hands on work and came back a bit more grounded than Phil, who seemed to have gone somewhere far far away and clearly experienced a profound shift. I wish I'd had the video camera going when he was talking about his experience- he was in such a beautiful place. Amazing what can happen in less than 20 minutes.

They also shared with me some stories about Abdu'l Baha which I always love and never grow tired of and we watched a short video which talked about His embodiment of certain essential qualities as a spiritual being in a human body- the first one being happiness.