One Self, Two Birds

Today's Course in Miracles lesson: "I am one Self, united with my Creator, at one with all aspects of creation, limitless in power and in peace."  I have stayed with this lesson for the past 4 days. The practice is supposed to be 5 minutes at the beginning of each hour.  I set my timer and then remember one time, re-set it and then pretty much forget about it for the rest of the day.  Since this series of lessons emphasizes self-discipline I've decided to stay with it until I feel that I have improved a bit more on that side of things.  Given that I've been studying this for over 20 years and am still in the dream I figure it's time to give it a bit more effort. After all, what is the purpose of the Course? And what is my purpose? On March 28, 2006 I wrote in  my journal that I had realized that the purpose of Henry's and my relationship was to help each other wake up. That was 7 years ago almost to the day... At this point being by myself seems to be a better way to work to try to wake up.

Meanwhile, in my waking dream, I am sitting in my room in Middletown and I meditate on my morning lesson.  As I contemplate the words "I am one Self" I begin meditating on all the sounds around me.  The closest are my breath and the heat coming up.  But outside is a conversation between a crow and a cardinal- the crow calls loudly and repeatedly, "Caw, caw, caw" and the cardinal replies with one whistle that rises in pitch. Back and forth they go, never interrupting. There is a cluster of bells from Arco Santi which ring occasionally, producing melodious arrhythmic tones.

Sound is a good meditation. It is always there.  The rhythm of the breath, the pulses of the body, the blood, the beating of the heart; beneath that the inner sounds which can be heard with deep listening- a quiet white noise with some high frequencies, a steady stream of sound; on the outside, the sounds in the room, in the house and then the sounds of nature from out of doors which cut through everything and delight the nervous system.

Shoulds and Self-Revelation

Just for today I am not paying attention to the shoulds.  I should get dressed, I should check my email, I should work, I should turn my phone on, blah blah blah.  The phone is off, I am in my pajamas- I threw my pants on for ten minutes, ran to the liquor store for a bottle of stout to cook my corned beef and cabbage- and I am mostly sitting in bed drinking tea and reading Jed McKenna's Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment. That's my cup of spiritual reading.  I opened it this morning and all bets were off. Occasionally I look out my window and there is a light flurry of snow.  A blizzard would bring me great joy. Give me an excuse to hole up for a few days- please!

Just now I came in to put on some more hot water, pondering the notions that traipse across my mindscape and decided it was a good time for a blog entry.  Usually I write about music or sound in some capacity.  Apparently not today although I never really know what will show up on the page.  Maybe that will be there too- not like it isn't in my mind- just not at the forefront today, except in the form of needing to call this or that person to confirm a time/date for a recording or a Sound Journey or a workshop... which I am postponing for at least a few hours.  Things are unfolding well enough on their own that I am going to trust that it will continue without my constant attention and occasional interference.

Here is an excerpt from my journal during one of my pauses from reading. (It's fairly heavy stuff requiring an occasional break as I process some piece of my own self-inquiry.)

     "My fuel for the day- oil pulling, a protein shake, green tea (or mate on most days) and A Course in Miracles. This morning I added Jed McKenna and now I'm not going anywhere- until I decide to. And I wonder, if 'I am as God created me' [this morning's ACIM lesson] why do I need any of this? Or does it require a body (and thereby some physical maintenance) to know that I am as God created me.
    "I will cook corned beef and cabbage today...
     "One realization, my family reflects back to me the sum of all my fears about myself. The belief that I am a loser because I don't make enough money to support myself doing what I do. That one came up and reduced me instantly to tears. My defense? What I do has changed people's lives- given them relief from pain, helped them to realize their true purpose, etc. etc.  What does it matter? It is my mistaken belief about myself that says I am a loser. It is my ego- defending myself against myself in the midst of the attack.
     (A little while later...) "I am reading Jed McK and I am getting tweaked. Something deep in my mind... that I can't quite reach. But I am reading and I stop to cry for some unknown reason. That's how I know it is have an effect on my consciousness- not just interesting reading."

Life Sounds Good!

Here I am again- weeks flying by.  The truth is that I spend so much of my time thinking about and working with sound and music that I often don't know where to begin and what to write about- but I know it's important. So today I am just going to let it flow and see what comes out.

We're in a transition from winter to spring.  The weather can't seem to make up its mind here in RI so we gets buckets of snow which lately melts in a day or two.  Today I am looking out my window at green grass and listening to the birds.

I have been obsessively recording outdoor sounds lately with the voice memo app on my iPhone.  Yesterday it was Purgatory Chasm- a split in the rocks overlooking Second Beach where the water flows in- or depending on the day slams in- and then flows out. 

Here is the view- an amazingly beautiful place... I recorded the water flowing in and out but haven't figured out how to upload my voice memos to my blog.  Soon though- I have beautiful sounds of water flowing and all kinds of short tracks of Tibetan bowls, crystal bowls and more. That little invisible mic on the iPhone is pretty incredible!

So many exciting things coming up in the next few months- a workshop with Shyamji in Newburyport, MA in the beginning of April followed by the first weekend of the Expressive Arts Therapy Program I am taking this summer.  Then a long weekend with Sylvia Nakkach and John Beaulieu at John's sound studio in Stone Ridge New York, which should be pretty amazing- it will be a combination of working with voice and tuning forks. I have heard a lot about Sylvia but never experienced her work.  I am really looking forward to it.  Two more long weekends over the summer of Expressive Arts Therapy, week-long Kirtan Camp in August- ki jai!- and potentially 3 other weekends I will be able to attend with Shyamji.  This year is for me! I feel like finally I can sink back into some of the intensive sound exploration with my incredible teachers that I have been wanting to do for a while. 

I just found a wonderful book on healing with Tibetan singing bowls by Suren Shrestha which I am very excited about. It is the first book on healing with the bowls that I have found that seems to have some really authentic information about the ancient traditions of this art. I have about 50 bowls right now, my inventory grows the more I sell! I have been working on recording some, specifically have just done a recording of bowls for helping with insomnia- but again- have not figured out how to upload it so that I can make a CD. I do have the cover photo though!

This is the layout of the bowls from when I made the recording. It was very cozy- it was actually during the weekend of the blizzard and it was a perfect time to hunker down since I certainly wasn't going anywhere. I hung out near the fire and played the bowls for hours on end while learning how to work my cool new Zoom recording device! Very fun- a great way to spend a few days of hibernation.  I know that some people weren't as fortunate as I was during that storm. For me it was a good time!!!

And finally,  this week looks like I will start doing some sessions with the Integrative Care Program at Women & Infants Hospital! So looking forward to that- doing sound therapy for cancer patients which I know will be so amazing.

Right now? It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining and the birds are calling me to come outside for a while. Peace out.